Monday, October 17, 2011

After much contemplation..

Ive decided to start blogging.
I have wanted to for some time. But was never sure what i would write about. I read a lot of healthy living blogs. I love to cook, im vegan and incredibly passionate about animal rights and against animal cruelty. Im a pageant girl.. i won Miss Teen Arizona 3 times, and placed at nationals each time. I love God and my family with all my heart. My dream would to be a missionary and use my talents as a caregiver to spread the Gospel and help those less fortunate. And... i also have some issues with food. Orthorexia, Anorexia, Over Exerciser. Call it what you want it. I am who i am, and i will not filter who i am. After all.. this is my blog right? So ill apologize in advance if its pretty random.

Hey ya'll! Im Sarah.
Contrary to popular belief i am not from the south. I just really enjoy saying ya'll. It seems more welcoming then say.. "hi". So this is me..

Now onto the real stuff..
Ive been struggling a lot lately with what i actually look like. Maybe ya'll could help? Some people tell me i look like death, that i need to 'eat a sandwich', others say i look wonderful, radiant, beautiful. Its quite a mind trip really. So many conflicting opinions. To be honest, most days i dont look in the mirror. Besides doing my hair and makeup, i stay pretty disconnected to my body. It helps keep those negative feelings and thought at bay. At least some what.

I relise this is some what of a short post. Maybe you guys could give me some ideas of what you'd like me to post about? Any questions or topics i could touch on. Im pretty much an open book. As long as your not rude. =)


  1. hey girl! I am so glad you are blogging! I am here to support you in any way you can. I believe in you! xoxo Holly

  2. BBY SARAH! <33

    alrighty. If you can... I think a great post would be to write about where your ED came from... the origins of it, when it started, what events or things you think triggered it, maybe even some of the journey of it, you know, things like that. basically a "story" of it, since it's impacted your life so much & is a part of your everyday life, you know. I think it would be really insightful for you annd for us (your readers/friends). maybe?

  3. ^ i will work on that post just for you =)

  4. I agree with Shannon on her idea and I also want you to keep doing the manic monday posts. I think they're such a fun idea.

  5. Hey there! I'm glad you decided to begin a blog. I think that it can be really difficult to look in the mirror and see what actually IS and for that reason, Anorexia is a slippery disease. Being in recovery myself, I understand and encourage you to get help. One thing I will warn you against is putting pictures of yourself on the blog in a too thin state, it will only put people off from reading, or triggor others who are not in a good place themselves.
    Can't wait to see what you've got!!

  6. I agree some what with that. Like i said before. Its my blog, and i wont filter. Ive been at this weight for years and its not like im flaunting it. Its just who i am right now, ya know? But i do see where your coming from.

  7. also, i dont see much difference from me posting picture then say chocolate covered katie. She tiny, if not smaller then me and people accept that. We all come in different shapes and sizes =)

  8. I don't think you should have to worry about filtering anything either bc it IS your blog. I so wish I had one just for that reason.. to vent or share everything "Me". yaa know? I have tidbits where I can do that like tumblr... but anyways, I physically have not been able to gain weight even though I've had an ED for a long time... a lot of it is medical, none purposeful. there are a lot of up and downs and twists and turns in struggles of this nature but at times when you DO struggle with putting on physical, tangible weight-- it IS who you are physically (not mentally) at the moment and no one should feel bad for that. I feel really self-conscious sometimes when people look at me for a moment too long and haven't updated any facebook pictures in about 8 months because of that. but I don't think anyone should feel that. it's awful. everyone is so beautiful in their unique way. EVERY-one.

    okay bye bye for now idk why that turned out so long I just like pouring my heart out to you randomly while in the midst of an all-night-long texting conversation w/ you... at the same time. hahhaha ooomg.

  9. Sarah,
    I am so happy you started a blog. It can be so much fun if you just write what and when you want to. I hope you enjoy it so that you keep doing it. Why? I am selfish and I have wanted to get to "know" you better for sometime.

    I will be flat out honest wioth you, Sarah and I am trusting God on this one -- I don't want to hurt or offend you but I have a feeling we are a lot alike and if so -- you won't mind.
    Of course you are beautiful, Sarah, and people will say that because you have a beautiful smile and eyes and spirit...etc.
    Here's the scoop -- I don't know if you can see it....but you look like an anoretic. You know what I mean? You look anorexic. I doubt you can see it and I know comments are such a mind-screw aren't they? But hopefully you can trust me?

    I promise I won't get on your back abouyt your weight going forward. But since you asked I decided to write this.

    Also? Be prepared for comments that are going to be critical and all that. Most won't be rude, probably, because they will be out of concern.

    I think you should blog about whatever you want.

  10. welcome to the blog world!

    I agree with the others above^^, and I just have to tell you that I think you do need to gain weight. Now I hate getting on people about this, but if I don't say anything, I would be extremely irresponsible.

    Take care, and I can't wait to read more!!


  11. hey!!
    im so glad i made my way over to my blog!
    glad i found yours!! <3
    honeyyy u ARE georgous. but what matters is what is on the inside. (not looks)
    the fact that you are asking this means u r definitely really concerned about it.
    honestly, people say you need to eat because you are TINY and need to be healthier. i believe in you!! and i know u can and will get 2 a healthy place again!

  12. I understand what you mean...seemingly contradictory comments are VERY frustrating. It happens to me a lot, too and I really struggle to understand it...especially when my brain interprets "pretty", "beautiful", etc. as "fine", "ok", "not sick". I think we tend to over-analyze or attach meanings that the person never intended...but it is difficult to remember that when it happens. =(

  13. Hi Sarah!! Welcome to the bloggity Blog world! First of all i'm not from the south either but i'm an avid ya'll sayer!! Also, because you asked, i wanted to let you know that i totally agree with Missy, in that, from the bottom of my heart, you do look so so thin that it's scary. I know that you think because you've been there for awhile that it might be okay for you, but I hope you'll realize that being a little bit bigger makes life and everything else SO much more fun!! Believe me, I was in the exact same place that you are and I'd love to be there to help and support you through everything that you may or may not be going through. Please feel free to shootnme an email! I kind of fell away from my interest in blogging, but I email back and fourth with a handful of special girls who need a little extra support, it makes the journey much more pleasurable. Congrats again onnthe blog girl!

  14. hey doll, you are gorgeous and all but since you asked, i would comment that you can probably stand to gain some weight. i only say this cuz i know how hard it is and hard it is to see if for yourself as i struggled with these things too. i am soooooooooo much happier in life living w/o such harsh restrictions on myself because honestly, thats not what life is about. no judgement, i wish you the best. you have a beautiful face and i hope you take care of your body.

  15. You are darling and beautiful no matter what. However, I hope you can see that you are wayyyy too underweight. It's so sad to me because, besides the fact that you are putting your body at serious physical risks, more-so you are probably daily fighting quite the mental battle. Those Halloween pictures from when you were at a healthier weight look so much more full of life and true happiness, and girl, don't ever think you aren't attractive in those! You were B-E-A-Utiful!
    I love your blog and your posts. I would love to read a post about your story, regarding your eating disorder as well as your life. It would be very neat to know you are getting help... it's hard to fight these things alone. Also, it just seems odd not to talk about these things on a blog that is about you. Your struggle is real, and it seems wrong (and dangerous)to ignore it.
    I hope you can take all comments knowing in your heart that all your readers love you for the PERSON you are, not your body. We are just concerned because you are quite clearly in a very unhealthy state and it's hard to see someone struggle. You have so much life and strength in you... keep fighting, love! <3 Shelly

  16. Please, please, please don't be offended! Here are my thoughts:

    1) CCK isn't smaller than you, but she *is* ridiculously skinny and a lot of people are (probably rightfully?) worried about her. Her high exercise/high volume/low calorie food habits sound like a less-open form of what you're going through.

    2) You look like a beautiful, radiant girl who is *very, very* sick and could really benefit from some food therapy. Food (esp. bread, ice cream, etc.) is your medicine - take it, girl, because I want to see you healthy, strong, and happy. living a long life with beautiful children and doing good for the world! I see so much potential, don't let ED steal you from the world. When you're 50, things'll look different.

    3) I would be so ridiculously happy if you'd go for evaluation at an in-patient and follow their recommendations (which will probably be to hang out there for a bit). You're strong and God will help you - you just have to commit to getting better! He doesn't want to see His work unnecessarily sick, either. Bless His world with a healthy, produced Blue-Eyed Barbie! :)

    Okay, I'm gonna stop now. But please! I'm praying for you. :)

  17. Hi Sarah, I've just been reading through your blog. Your stunning and kind personality really shines through--but you don't look healthy to me. You are clearly a beautiful person who doesn't appear to be nurturing their body. Rather, you seem starved. I am not trying to be rude and I hope I don't come off as blunt. I hope you are able to move forward in health, and I wish you the best.